Going through our 5 steps to get your partner/significant other/spouse on board with a minimalism.
Step 1: Exposure
If you are single and dating someone then the first step is really to expose them to your lifestyle and your minimalist ways. This doesn’t involve really talking about it too much but having them in your space to experience minimalism. Impress them with your open space, the cleverness of your design and the overall feeling of clean unbroken lines! If you are in a committed relationship and already share space with someone then this step would involve you focusing on your stuff and minimizing it. Not really talking about it too much but just take your areas of responsibility and clean them out. Avoid cleaning up your kids’ stuff or your spouses’ stuff at this time. This is just for the minimalist to focus on their areas of responsibility.
Step 2: Be Open to Discussion
Be ready for questions! When you are single, it is going to be obvious that you are a minimalist and have no stuff. When we first met we talked about The Minimalists and Marie Kondo. Resources or reference material really help the other person internalize these ideas in their own way and at their own pace. So be ready with the resources that influenced you the most when you are preparing to answer questions about your space. Same thing goes for if you are in a committed relationship, your partner is going to notice the changes you made in Step 1 and are going to ask you about them. Having these resources on hand so that they can take their time to read them or look into them is very helpful at this stage of getting them on board. It is important at this stage that the non-minimalist to come to the minimalist to ask these questions, but we should avoid talking about “we should do things this way, or the kids should organize things this way”. You want to talk from the “I”, “I feel that it is important for me to live this way”. Speak from the heart and talk about yourself.
Step 3: Set Boundaries
Minimalists can finally spring into action! So if you are dating and you feel that you want to take the next step with someone, you can sit them down and have a frank and loving conversation about how minimalism is a value of yours and it is important for them to realize that this relationship is not going to be able to move forward if the other person is not interested in being a minimalist too. This can sound a little harsh, but shared values keep committed relationships together and these conversations can be really valuable in the long run. This is where the minimalist can help the non-minimalist get rid of all of their stuff, garage sale, Salvation Army, donations, estate sale, all this can be coordinated by the minimalist. When you are in a committed relationship, the conversation would involve talking about what you have decided that you value, focusing again on the “I” statements, “I don’t want to bring objects into the house any more.” Also setting boundaries around receiving gift, “I want to receive consumables, experiences, things you can use up, as opposed to objects”. When it comes to gifts from others, sometimes people just want to give you things and that’s fine, but the boundary would be that once you give it to me, then it is mine, so I can donate it, sell it, trade it for something that I really want”. Again, just focusing on the “I” and not so much on what other people should do but more on how you feel and what you would like.
Step 4: Grow Organically
We have moved from 510 sq ft to 260 sq ft and now live in 186 sq ft apartment. That was not something we intended from the start and it wasn’t a goal. Eventually we just ended up getting there. If you are a committed relationship, then really you’ve done all the work of expose, then being open to discussion and really dialoging about your boundaries and finally in this step you are just going to let that seed germinate over time. Eventually, this leads to your partner seeing things in a new way and moving towards minimalism. Ultimately, your partner wants what you want, they think what is important to you is important to them and they want you to be happy. We have seen that with several couples, one person might always be a little more maximalist than the other person and that’s okay. But slowly over time you can move in a more minimal direction.
Step 5: Maintain Consistency
As you go along on this journey, sometimes it goes a little slowly. It is important for the person that is the minimalist to just maintain their side of things, keep having resources ready, keep your boundaries. Sometimes people get tired and feel things are never going to change. If it is important to you, then it is important that you keep doing it. Eventually your partner will come along with you.